Confidence is something that everybody needs, but so many people are lacking. Without confidence people spend their lives watching success slip through their fingers at every turn, yet they are unable to grasp it. When you truly have faith in yourself and your abilities, you are able…Read More »
I’ve had my share of insecurity throughout life, I deal with the ones I do find as I go. I also suspect that I will continue to uncover new ones as I mature and experience new things. Insecurity is what will allow me to grow. For me, insecurities equal to fear – I like to face fear square in the face because I learn from my experiences and grow from them.
EVERYONE has insecurities about something or another, if anyone tells you otherwise they’re lying. What I find fascinating is how everyone deals with his or her insecurity. Some will openly communicate it, while a large majority will keep it quiet.
Often people believe that I am very confident and secure with myself. For the most part I am but I still have insecurities about certain aspects of my life. For example: I know my writing skills are less than average. Sometimes I don’t finish my thoughts and I ought to consider hiring a grammar tutor. And yet, I still blog and write articles and share it across the Internet for everyone to read. Do you think I doubt myself and feel insecure when I’m just about to publish something? I totally do, I get doubtful and think, “What if I didn’t articulate my thoughts properly?” I even fear that someone will judge my writing skills or poo-poo my thoughts and will let me know, and they have. But I always go back to why I started this blog, and one of the reasons I write is to improve my writing skills, and to develop ideas and tools – a vehicle to dump my thoughts. So why would I allow another’s judgment to interfere with my growth?
A lot of people are afraid of being judged – what another person will say about you, but fear is natural. Fear is a survival instinct coded in your physiological makeup – it’s part of you. Fear is also the barrier between you and success. Unfortunately, you must be judged in order for you to learn what you need so you can overcome the barrier and become successful.
Confidence is what allows you to be open to judgment. I’m not arrogant to believe I know it all because I never will. I also know there is a left, a center, and a right, all with different viewpoints, and with a set of morals and values. Comments, feedback and criticism – all help me learn more about different personalities, behaviors and the impact of culture. What I am confident about is that I don’t know everything and that I will learn as much as I can as I go. My confidence is developed by facts. The fact that I do not know everything and could only learn it day by day outweigh my insecurities.
Are you one of those people who hang onto past experiences and let it define who you are? Did you know that when you hang on to the past you let it determine your future? You may believe you will never experience it again because you have learnt from it, but what you are really doing when you relive the past is put all the pieces in place to repeat history.
An experience gone badly that you rewind and play again and again in your mind is reliving the experience, emotions and all. Every time you replay what happened and wish you could have done it differently, your imagination runs wild and will try to create different outcomes. Each outcome you imagine, although not real, will send a jolt of emotions throughout your body. You will believe it is real, because the emotions are real.
The process of rethinking negative experiences and creating a number of different outcomes will only condition your brain into believing what is not true. Unfortunately, your brain does not know the difference between true and untrue it only knows what you tell it to believe. When you experience a jolt of emotions because your imagination ran wild, you essentially condition your brain into believing the experience is true.
Thinking in this way will have the following consequences to your future:
1. When the environment becomes familiar and you recognize similar feelings, you will approach it with caution if you approach it at all. If you do approach it you will try to minimize the impact by controlling the situation, and if you don’t approach it for fear of repeating history, you miss out on a potential opportunity.
2. You fool yourself into believing what is not really happening. You draw upon your past experiences, including the untrue ones, as you try to avoid repeating history. You will be adamant that something is happening that in reality is not really happening and you risk losing what you do have. You self sabotage for fear of history repeating itself.
In both cases you miss out on the real opportunity and history is repeating itself and will continue until you break the cycle.
You learn from past experiences you don’t take it with you into the future. You learn why you got burnt: I allowed someone to take advantage of me because I craved his or her attention. You learn why you are afraid: I was unprepared for the event so the feedback was negative.
The problem is never them, you’re the problem. History will repeat itself until you learn from your past rather than taking it with you. Flip the experience upside down and look at yourself. Ask yourself, “Why did I allow that to happen?” If you start by saying he or she and are looking for someone to blame other than yourself, start over again.
At the core of every human being is love. Everybody wants to be loved unconditionally by friends, family and their soul mate. But there are those who need greater support and validation – the insecure. These people often sabotage their chance at living a peaceful and harmonious life because of what they believe about themselves and their perception of others.
The insecure think about their dislikes and weaknesses more than they think about their redeeming qualities. When anyone thinks about their negative qualities more than their positive, they burst the bubble that houses their confidence, and reduces their self-esteem to rubble. The insecure often look towards their loved ones to boost their self-esteem with encouragement and support. However, even those words seem hard to believe in the mind of an insecure person.
An insecure person will mostly think about the negative aspects of his or her life. They replay past experiences in their head over and over beating themselves up for what they think they should have done instead. With so many negative thoughts floating around, they believe that their loved ones do not accept them for whom they are and push them away. It’s easier to push loved ones away sooner rather than later so that they don’t see through the insecurity and learn about all the flaws. In the mind of an insecure person, they rather distance themselves first before they get hurt again.
Insecure people with low self-esteem feel vulnerable in a relationship. They think the love they are getting from their mate is conditional and could end at anytime. So they sabotage the relationship so they don’t get hurt and move further away from the peaceful and harmonious life they long for.
Bruno LoGreco Life Coach & MentorRead More »
What a long day! I’m finally getting around to finishing this blog post. After the taping earlier this afternoon, I had work and deadlines to meet for the new company. One meeting, one document to review and a presentation to prepare for Monday.
Tomorrow is Friday. For some unknown reason I scheduled four appointments tomorrow. I am also hosting a dinner for six. So, some time between my scheduled appointments, I have to go grocery shop, and clean the apartment. Tomorrow will be a fun day. 🙂 I do have this distant recollection though about ‘me’ Friday – It’s faint… But, I know this is how it starts before it snow balls to a place where I can feel the candle burning at both ends.
Before I go to bed, I want to share a little something with Morning Java readers. Insecurity will yield you zero returns. Insecurity leads to self-sabatoge especially when you feel threatened by another person. Ask yourself if the other person can read your thoughts and if the answer is NO, chances are the person you feel threatened by is not thinking what you are.
Bruno LoGreco Master Life Coach & MentorRead More »
When I first started this blog a few months ago, the name I picked was, “A Dreamers Mind.” I’m a pisces baby and a huge dreamer. I spent the first 30 years of my life dreaming of the life I knew I could have. At age 31, I finally decided that it was time for me to do something about my dreams.
In less than two years, myself and my business partner, successfully launched a consulting company, a Life Coaching business with an Online Interactive Journaling website that is 100% safe, secure and private, it’s not a blog. And coming this summer, hero+destiny, our new pet company. We have a black board filled with new ideas that we plan on taking to market some day.
Sometimes the ideas are over the top and require lots of capital to start-up, and other times the ideas are as simple as can be, and I like to give them away to other entrepreneurial people that are interested in creating their own thing. (I have two ideas right now if anyone wants them)
That was one of the reasons why I started this blog the other reason was to talk about anything, with no sensors, and no editing. I know I am not a good writer, my grammar has never been my strong point and my brain processes thoughts with a start and a finish, often times forgetting the middle, assuming that everyone will know what the middle part is. This is not always the case–actually, it’s never the case unless you are a mind reader. I know this about myself, as do most of the people around me. We joke about it, “Bruno is having his own conversation again.” LOL I thought long and hard about leaving comments on other blogs, because I know what I think and what I type are not always the same. But I decided to go ahead anyway, because how I write and what I say, with no sensors or editing is who I am.
Then the blog evolved to more of a life coaching toronto blog (Sorry for throwing in Toronto, it’s a keyword for the coaching website that yields good results) and I started to talk about the various topics I study and work on. I also shared my own personal fears and phobias from public speaking, to crossing bridges, conquering one fear only to have a new one show up. I thought I knew the root cause of my fears, so I created a game out of conquering fears/phobias. The other day I left a comment on another person’s blog, after I hit the submit bottom, I wanted to change my comment. That is when I realized that my comment didn’t need to be deleted, that it was ok because, what I wrote and how I wrote it was truly me, not someone I’m pretending to be. That was the second time I had that thought. (sometimes it takes three times before I get it)
In the past few months, I’ve wanted to contact Breakfast Television to be a guest on their show, but I have a phobia of cameras. The thought of being behind a camera does paralyze me. I cannot do it–or so I thought. Then yesterday it came to me. The reason why I have fears, excluding Phobia’s–my fear to speak, my fear to give seminars, my fear of t.v. cameras, Its because I am insecure and afraid of what other people with think of me if I make a mistake. I always thought you have to act a certain way, look a certain way, memorize everything you are going to say on t.v, etc. I never for one second thought that if maybe I act like myself just like I do when I’m working with my life coaching clients, with no scripts, no memorizing, just being me, exactly like when I leave comments and don’t finish thoughts on other blogs, then I would have nothing to be insecure about, because it’s the real me. It is ok to make mistakes on national television… Have you ever watched Lou Dobbs on CNN? Case and Point.
I’m contacting Breakfast Television via email later this morning – My phobia for t.v. cameras has just disappeared. I’m not afraid anymore– no tension, no knots in my stomach, I feel like me when I’m meeting a client for the first time.
I am proud of what I’ve become. Bruno LoGreco Success Coach Toronto