With the holiday season upon us, you are bound to run into a run-down, cranky, or grouchy person, maybe two, but probably more than you care for. Some of these negative people are in your family, some are at the office, and others are out loose in the malls, on the roads, and other unpredictable public places. Yikes!
While you can’t avoid running into these Holiday Grinches you can certainly take precautions to keep yourself calm, composed, and in charge.
When dealing with negative people you must make sure YOU are in control of you! This means you need to be in control of your emotional reactions, your behaviour, and your responses. As soon as you let these negative people provoke you into a fight or a complaining marathon, you’re very close to losing the game.
Dealing with negative people can be broken down into 3 categories 1) personal care 2) avoid negative conversations and 3) take control of whom you allow into your life and for how long (setting boundaries). Here are a few ideas for you to consider when dealing with negative people in your life during this time of the year:
- 1. Personal Care
Recharge your batteries throughout the day
You must find time for yourself each day. The downtime will centre you and give you some time to reflect, collect your thoughts, and notice your feelings. This doesn’t have to be more than 15 minutes, but the 15 minutes have to be yours. Use them to meditate, sing, or think positively. Any one of these will re-energize you and clear away others’ negativity.
Sleep
Many people fall behind on their sleep during the holiday season even as they are running around to do more things. I am sure there is no need for me to mention that sleep is not only important for your health but a lack of sleep contributes to a shorter fuse. With a little sleep it’s easy to quickly turn into one of those negative people you yourself are trying to avoid. The extra sleep will give you extra strength to be patient with negative people and therefore avoid unnecessary disagreements!
Without enough sleep and without recharging your batteries throughout the day, YOU will not be in control of you.
- 2. Avoid Negative Conversations
Stay positive
Create your own positive environment as opposed to waiting for others to come along and create this environment for you. More importantly, have positive topics prepared before you approach people and get the conversation going yourself. This way you take control and steer the conversation into the direction you want. If there is a particular person who is always negative, think of how you can engage him to focus on the positive (e.g., what is one thing they always enjoy doing). Be sure to avoid any touchy topics and other known triggers. If this person really cannot be positive, stay out of his/her way. You’ll be doing yourself and the negative person a favour.
Don’t engage in the negativity
If you are not interested in listening to someone complain about the holiday traffic, their family mess, their holiday financial stress, their inability to get their partner to put up the tree then don’t engage. Arguing, debating, agreeing or disagreeing, and getting angry will all add fuel to the fire. Brief answers such as “Sure” or “Okay” will lead the person’s conversation to die out. It gets harder to speak if you aren’t contributing. As she slows down you have a chance to pick a more positive topic.
- 3. Take Control
Self-awareness
Be aware of how your language, behaviour, and habits are keeping you stuck around negative people. Many times it is a person’s own behaviour that makes the situation worse. Pay close attention to how you respond to the people who drag you down emotionally and mentally. Learn from it so you can change what you don’t like.
Limit your time with negative people
While some people are unavoidable during the holidays, you certainly have the power to limit your time with them. You don’t HAVE to talk to anyone more than you want to. If you think you HAVE to because of “what would people think” recognize you are acting out of fear and not based on your free will. You really don’t have to talk to anyone you don’t want to, and you can certainly limit the time you spend with those people to whom you feel a certain obligation.
Wishing you warmth and happiness this Christmas Season!
Ivana Pejakovic, Life Coach in Toronto
